“What drives you?”

I’ve been contemplating this question for a while.

I get into these moods, you see, where the wheels in my head start spinning and I wonder what my purpose is. After all, everyone has a purpose, or so I’ve always believed. So what is my purpose? What drives me? What makes me jump out of bed in the morning?

Well, lately, increasing cries of, “Mama! Mama! Maaaaaaamaaaaaaaa!” propel me out of bed. It’s hardly an enthusiastic leap out of bed, especially when such cries happen at 4:45 in the morning and you realize any attempts at getting this small child to fall back asleep are futile. As much as I adore my child, I wouldn’t say that this “drives” me (though it does sometimes drive me crazy).*

There are a lot of non-baby things I like to do. I like to write. I like to scrapbook. I like to make greeting cards. I like taking pictures. I like to cook.

And I’m good at these things. But none of them drive me.

I’m an analyst by profession. That’s what my business cards say, anyway. I like my job. I like the company for which I work and I like the people with whom I work. Can I see myself doing this for another 20 years or so? Sure. But does it excite me? No.

I just don’t know what does.

* I will say that the cries for “Maaaaaaaamaaaaaaaaaa!” are infinitely better than the panicked non-verbal mewling cries of an infant. It doesn’t make it more enjoyable to leap out of bed and rush to his room, but at least it’s easier on the ears.

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