Last night was not a good night for sleep. Oh, I was tired enough, and I wanted to sleep, but my subconscious is clearly working overtime and does not want me to sleep.
I had a terrible nightmare last night, one that prompted me to call Big Sis E no fewer than three timesthis morning. Why? I wanted to make sure she was okay and in good health. In my nightmare, I got a call from my brother-in-law who told me that my sister had a massive heart attack and died. Two thoughts raced through my mind as I was dealing with the shock and the disbelief: (1) my father is going to be so sad, and (2) my sister’s the one who’s supposed to outlive me. The first thought requires no explanation, but the second…
Big Sis E is much healthier than I am. She exercises, eats well, and is fit. She takes very good care of herself. I, on the other hand, am the walking definition of “skinny fat” – the type of person who looks slim but whose percent body fat is higher than it ought to be. I fully expect my sister to live longer than I will, which is why I’ve given her all sorts of responsibilities in my will and trust (neither of which are finished, but I’m still working on them).
Anyway, this nightmare was just awful. Mercifully, I woke from it, but I was obviously still shaken. This explains why I called my sister three times to make sure she was okay. It was awful.
Another weird dream I had involved BK. I dreamt I was talking to her on the phone about something (what I don’t recall), and in the background I heard a baby crying. In my dream, BK said, “Oh, I have to go take care of the baby. He’s crying again.”
Normally, this wouldn’t be so odd, except that BK doesn’t really plan on having kids. She’s enjoying motherhood vicariously through me (without the sleep deprivation, I might add). It took a second before I realized that the baby I heard crying was really The Boy, and I didn’t hear it through a phone; I heard it through his door.
I know dream-sleep is important, and that’s the kind of sleep you need most to let your body’s cells regenerate. But tonight, I wouldn’t mind sleeping without dreams. At least then I might sleep peacefully.