Well, I haven’t quite “talked grief to death”, but I’m at least on the right track. As far as being unable to sleep, apparently it’s perfectly normal for my brain to be unwilling to shut down right now; there’s a lot going through my mind. And, as it’s only been less than two weeks, I really can’t expect myself (nor should others expect me) to get back to “normal” right away.
I told her I’ve been writing a lot about this. She said that probably explains why I’m doing much better this soon after Mom’s death than most people would.
Oh, and the anger, resentment and bitterness that I’m feeling? Perfectly normal. And it may go away for a little while, then come back with a vengeance, too. No telling.
I don’t feel like a weight has been lifted or that my heart is any lighter. And I don’t feel any closer to reconciling what I know in my head and what I feel in my heart. But I’m still glad that I went. I’ve been reminded that death is something no two people will ever handle the same way, and my feelings are very valid and can’t be handled the way that our “replacement culture” would try to “patch” it.
For right now, going through the motions is the best I can do for those around me. But she also told me to make sure I allow myself to cry from time to time. It’s a natural reaction and a valid response to death, so I’m entitled.
Last, she reminded me to focus on the living, namely my father. Everything I would want to share with Mom, I can share with Daddy instead. Everything I wish Mom could see, I’ll have to show to Daddy.
I think staying close to Dad will be quite therapeutic, really. I’m looking forward to his return to the country, and it will be even nicer that he’ll be a short plane ride away!