BK came to my house about a month ago to visit (and take a break from watching her dog who is suffering from serious anxiety attacks) and, as she was looking through my magazines, said, “You used to have cool magazines, Eileen. What happened?”
This comment didn’t really faze me at the time; she didn’t mean anything offensive by it, and I didn’t take it as such. In fact, I wouldn’t even be bringing it up except for the fact that I realized (while feeding the baby in the living room early this morning) that she’s absolutely right.
I used to have a collection of interesting magazines, like Rolling Stone, Spin, Time, Business Week, Food and Wine, Gourmet, and probably every scrapbooking magazine ever developed. I canceled subscriptions or let them run out because I wasn’t really reading them, and, in the interest of saving the environment (and money), it made sense not to get them anymore. Now, of the magazines I receive, I think all of them are free subscriptions (though Cute Husband still pays for all of his subscriptions).
Here are the ones that still arrive in our mailbox (with the subscriber in parenthesis):
– Wired (my name is on the label, but it’s really for Cute Husband)
– Playboy (Cute Husband)
– Make (Cute Husband)
– Entertainment Weekly (Cute Husband)
– Kraft Food & Family (me)
– Cooking Pleasures (me)
– American Baby (me)
– Cookie (me)
– the Nest (me)
And then I thought about all the things I’ve ordered over the past few weeks and are en route to my house: a convertible car seat (for the baby), cute clothes that I found on clearance (for the baby), cookbooks (for baby food), books (on parenting), a baby book (of the baby), birthday cards (featuring the baby)… Do you see a pattern here?
Somewhere on the path to becoming “Mommy”, I lost “Me”.
So, now I’m on a quest to regain some semblance of my former self. My life does not need to (and should not) center around the baby. I was planning on making some baby food this weekend in anticipation of the baby’s increasing appetite, but I see no reason I can’t prepare some grown-up food, too. I love spending time in the kitchen, and I used to make some incredible homemade breads (and bagels!).
I need to find “Me” again. I was here first, dammit!